Once deceived, twice shy

How cool it feels when you exchange those first "hello(s)"s and "hi(s)".

Daniel was at a city's famous pub, leisurely sipping his Martini and giving intermittent glances at the lady in red, who was sitting across him at the other end of the lounge. He almost forgot to keep his
guards on, when suddenly she threw a strange stare back at him. A
bit embarrassed, Daniel continued sipping his drink, resolving to never peek her for the rest of the evening. He almost shuddered, when he heard a female voice saying "hello".










Nita, lady in red, was an absolute stunner. Can you please help me? I am waiting for my estranged husband, and I need to show him that's it all over. Do you understand me? Daniel was clueless on what his next reaction be, and he just nodded hysterically. Quarter hour into some pleasantries, a guy in his mid 30s arrives and Nita issues a quick wink at Daniel. This is my friend Daniel, and he's Ricky. Daniel and I were in college together. At this moment, Nita locks her one arm around Daniel's back, which throws Ricky into a dizzy stance.


Why didn't you tell me, ever before, about him? All this while, I kept thinking that you loved me. Why did you marry me in the first place?...quizzed a still dizzied Ricky, who was now grimacing. I am sorry is what Nita could say before Ricky disappeared before them.





Daniel, still bedazzled by Nita's beauty, could not make much about what just happened. A relaxed Nita turned to him and said - That went all right. Anyways, it was nice meeting you...errr...Daniel. Thanks for the help. It was then, when Daniel was hit by the crux of this whole episode - that he just was used as a pawn to settle one's quest for something; that he should be more careful while dealing with charming people. Who knows what was going on between these 2. He could have just averted this odd situation in the first place by refusing Nita. For sure, looks can be deceiving at times. Daniel,
the future James Bond, just had learnt an important lesson.

Story of an awakening

5:35 AM...

Every iota of mind is playing with my existence, by injecting a sedative serum. From a distant corner of my valley of senses, a squeaking voice is stroking my wild passion to get up and fight this heavy
sedation. This untamed passion was blinking to life and had a heavy odds of sinking under the overdose of confusing effects of mind.












Every moment, that passed, was blowing life out of this wild passion. Though the same battle been fought infinite times in the past, still the passion is helpless against this cohort of mind and body; thus
the results are always surprisingly different. It is due to this interplay and at the hour when passion
has been rendered soft, due to exposure to flimsy visions called dreams, that passion cedes many a times. So what? Not this day!






A jolt came out from nowhere and put me on auto-pilot mode for next half a minute. It seems, the
memory of an earlier victory came gushing into my veins and have clinched the victory again. 6:00 AM...and I'm up and in control now.

At times, Mind is a villain of supreme kind

Why benevolence is in dearth on this earth? This is the subject I find intriguing, most of the times. So, I felt doing some self-quizzing and come up with the reason myself.









I understand the concept of quid pro pro, and in sync with the same, people (in general) may not exchange a kind gesture if not have received one. What is more surprising when this premise is violated -  I mean, why one needs to be mean to someone when not given the same favour in the first place?




Is it because a certain mind works in a particular way, in a certain situation, at a certain time, refined and biased by factors unique to that mind? Let's go to an example straightaway. Let's assume goal A is what mind 1 wants to materialize. While doing so, it will run through motley of options it has. Suppose, option M looks like a path to realize goal A; and option M comes after several trials with previously available options. Now, substantially into this path (which could be another person with a mind, 2, of own), mind 1 feels infeasibility to realize goal A via M. At this juncture all the hell breaks lose, when mind 1 lofts out option M (for this case, consider to be a person with mind 2) like a use-and-throw object. Mind 2 must have its own logic to align with mind 1 realize goal A, having sensed no alarm, in the beginning, of the later-to-be conspicuously frivolous manner of mind 1's attachment. Just like a running locomotive's bogie has its inertia, that needs to be calmed down to zero before detaching from another

without any fuss (whatsoever), it is even more important to follow the same ritual in case of attached minds. Just because mind 1 saw a safe escape route for itself, in an ongoing journey together, doesn't mean a harmony is ensured. Disregarding such a fact always induces unwarranted negativity in the form of pain, suffering, trauma etc.




More importantly, 3rd law of dynamics (of any kind), is valid in all the spheres of living as well as non-living world. This, a mind may not comprehend because the re-bound effect may take its own time; a mind, sensing the well being of its own periphery, may not foresee the same.

Now, mind tries and emulates logical/legal agreement based transactions in emotions-based decisions. This always creates a legitimate escape route - cunning minds use this and unassuming minds fall for such a trap. Because it is legitimate, majority of us are forced to accept it as right and this becomes a practice among the lot. It is only when a pinching happens due to own accepted rule, does an individual understands the lacuna of comparing emotions with logical/legal agreements.




If a mind is sincere in its conduct, it will never let the situation fall into an emotional entropy; it will always give right signals at the right times about its intensions and will never take a decision in a snap to cause emotional disharmony; it will choose the best path for the 2 or many, rather than 1; it will never weave traps; it will not subscribe supremacy of legitimacy, but come clean by itself. These are just some of the courtesies that we overlook while digging emotionally deep, only to cut and bleed our way around/out. We tend to forget the energy and effort it took to create that way, while lynching it; and we forget that, while doing so, we close
our own access to this way forever - a way that was meant to be the forebear of benevolence, trust and emotional harmony.

Celebrating life of a moral fool!

He was there again. 10 years back, when Riya had gone to her old society of childhood, he was labouring through the many errands of locals to earn his livelihood. "Madan uncle", as fondly called by the kids from society, was a septuagenarian and had seen some good and some not-so-good (as he would like to call) days in this South Bombay locality since he came there with his family at the age of 6. A distant sister still calls him back to his ancestral village in Kanpur, but Madan prefers being an old immovable ass. Madan, who was now 75 and staying in a dilapidated shanty, that can be best described as the bare essential fabric on a woman.

Not so long before Riya's last visit, Madan used to work as a full time house servant for an old Parsi couple at Colaba. After their death, Madan couldn't find a regular work and had to stay starved many a days. Still Madan was so engrossed with this city that it felt him just like a step mother, who will surely melt her heart someday for him. No one, but only death, could move him out of this city.





Riya's parents used to stay in the same locality where Madan worked as a house servant; Madan, having never married and no child of his own, was always close to kids. He could never bear the sight of a wailing child and would even, instantly, pose as a joker to bring smile to the kid. And their numerous, innocently played out, pranks with a tired and sleeping Madan uncle would never make him mad at them. Perhaps he tried finding his own childhood in them.


Spring of this year's Riya visit was the last one for Madan. He succumbed to his deteriorating health and a long stint of suffering due to loneliness in this most densely populated place on earth. However, it was not always the same about Madan.





Madan had completed his Masters in Law in the 60s and was one of the most eligible bachelors in the locality in his hey days. His 2 elder siblings could never match Madan's educational qualification but were more practical than Madan. They settled early in their lives and Madan kept himself engaged in search of true meaning of life. "You have to play by the rules of the game, if you want to stick to this game". "You need to think about yourself first and then others". "There is nothing moral or immoral; all the conscious guilt is just a point of reference in your psyche which means nothing to the world". Madan would receive such remarks from his peers and friends, but an unsettling force would never make his core agree with them. Little did he know then that he will be left alone & much behind, while following his heart. During this course of time, Madan had a few shots at matrimonial life; alas, they never materialized due to what fate had in store for Madan.


Madan practiced law for some years, from his late 20s till mid 30s. The last case, that he lost, while defending an innocent (which was later found out, but was too late), withdrew Madan's trust on legal system completely. Madan usually took cases for the under-privileged ones whom no attorneys would take up. This case had the defendant, who used to be a daily-wage labourer, accused of murdering his own wife in cold blood. The court, due to insufficient proofs and all cooked-up testimonials against Raman, the defendant, ordered death sentence - to be hung till dead. Raman loved his wife more than his life. If only his chawl wouldn't be at the place where an industrialist wanted to set-up a sprawling apartment for more affluent class.




Raman was the only one in his locality to oppose the rehabilitation offer, another chawl, in the other part of the city; Raman was never comfortable to leave his parental place, where his childhood was spent. There were often boisterous arguments with his wife, as reported by neighbours during the investigation process, on this subject; but never did the fights go to a physical level. Raman was also very hard working and sincere. This had earn him good reputation among many quarters, but not good enough to prove his innocence - which appealed Madan, who took up the case to only lose at the end of it.


After that case, Madan pulled himself out of his legal profession. He started earning his livelihood like most migrant commoners would do in this city - engaging as daily labourer at construction sites, carrying out menial errands for households. For some reasons, known best to himself, he could never leave the city. Madan's folks were not happy of his decisions and Madan knew deep inside that he is making his parents suffer due to his own miseries; however, his heart just didn't know how to compromise on moral issues. His parents had already gone back to their ancestral village, before Madan had left his legal profession, and lived there for the rest of their lives.


Any vestige of raw innocence, around, would draw Madan's attention - be it in those innocent pranks by local kids or that smile on the face of a tired labourer who still knows how to share. Stray dogs were his favourite, with whom he would share a large pie of his day's earnings; in return, they would give him back the most genteel affection by listening to him for hours in his lonely nights. Madan didn't die a coward's death, but just gave up the life that effuses nothing but inhumanity. May be not the best decision in an able man's life, but he had no regrets, whatsoever, when he died.

Liaisoning with the difficult

When you speak or act, a connection between your inner and outer faculties is established. This connection is like a switch, that flips itself at the "force" of determination, logic, instinct or plain whim. This force is at times a foster child, nurtured by those who cares or focus on it, and not necessarily the main actor who is reason behind this child's birth.

A very funny example - you are walking to an important meeting and suddenly a crow flies over you and shoots a stigmatic load on your clothes. You may not be the reason this crow flies there, but the conscious (inner faculty) you carry that connects to your absurdity (outer faculty)  in that meeting should clarify what I mean. That being said, I am equally convinced about various such connects where this force affects the perpetrator too. Haven't your heard that they are killing crows? Now, that's not funny.

Dynamics of this flipping switch is not as complex as it sounds. Just that the control of this switch is at times beyond we humans' power, we are awed and then thawed when we realize later to switch being flipped. It becomes just an action and reaction sequence, where our senses are mere passive participants. Also, logic always comes next to instincts and hence it is at times late; obviously, sulking and feeling remorse are also sequential reactions and can be controlled if one really wishes to.

So, it is all about controlling the force that connects these inner and outer faculties. It is not that easy as the inertia it carries is very strong and is made of years of experience and usage style. As the logical mind pushes us towards the easier route which wanes our taming power, we just end up regretting on an outcome. To be a tamer of such a powerful force is a child's play if one harbours a child-like attitude...if you understand what I mean.

Trapped by the body, released by the death

Why humans have emotions? Why do they have those pensive phases which they can't control? What are those things that don't let humans achieve their fullest potentials?









Mind is like a sedative drug. It lets you slip in that perennial dependency of a reference point that decides how to react on the outcomes. Never do you suspect the reference point which caused, say glaucoma, to you; rather we end up cursing the outcome (glaucoma) and forget the real culprit. This is a vicious cycle, more so, because of the complexity of nexus between mind and the body. I am not disregarding the fact that such complexities exist elsewhere than humans; however, in humans, it has reached to a level that is far beyond comprehension for an ordinary person.

Not a student of human psychology, but indeed as an observer, I see that most of us are trapped in that body which is driven by emotions and controlled by the limitations that our mind has perceived for ourselves. Fear is one such emotion that has been either culpable of throwing you out of orbit of greatness or instigated to do harm to others - knowingly or unknowingly.

There is no scale to measure the amount of emotions in exactness, let alone regulate the emotions. Theory of relativity, is something which, is very prevalent in this world of emotions; for some, an outburst is just an expression of inner-self and for another it could be reason enough to close all the ties. Hence, another danger - impacts are usually different and hence the perpetrator would take effort & time in coming terms to what went wrong for the other person. Now, again due to relativity, such effort and time taken vary and hence all the chaos in the world.

So, do emotions have nothing in favour of their reason to exist? Let's see. Can you imagine a world of Terminator like robots? I think emotions are the cranky vestige of the last good thing that embodied mankind, a passage from gods to remind humans of their limits, a medium to serve oneself with hell or heaven while breathing on earth. The last breathe, though, takes all of it with itself to the "blackhole" where emotions meet their grave - only life has the strength enough to effect a reverse pull.

Destiny's Child

There is a mental gig that goes like this - how much is sufficient? How much of food is enough? How much of love is enough? How much of laundry on body is enough? How much of, off course, money is enough? How much of madness is enough (is enough)? How much of sacrifice is still not enough? How much of education is usually enough to link you with sanity? I believe the answer to this question is NE (never enough).

We keep ourselves so focussed on questions of sufficiency that we always lurk for their answers even though we know it doesn't really matter most of the time. Do you think stray dogs eat to fullness everyday? Still, they perform their acts to the fullest when they have to. Similarly a daily wage worker - can you ensure that every hard labouring fibre in his body consumes enough amount of protein? Even if you can't, he still works like lovers in labour with his ploughs on the field. Can you produce enough intel to, 1st gauge and then, create enough love for your soulmate? It is impertinent as well as NE. Education can, maybe, give you jobs, but can't ensure sanity all the time, or can it?

I remember an interesting anecdote here. A few years back, I was training for riding horses and I wasn't able to get better of my fear while riding them, though every class would seem to pile up my confidence level. One day, they changed the horse and that same day I fell for the first time from a horse' back. I realized that it doesn't take number of hunky-dory classes but just one fall to overcome fear of riding these beautiful beasts. Many good riders can claim never having taken the fall; practically, that doesn't mean that no. of classes are tantamount to being a good rider. At the end of day, there is no set rule to decide the fate all the times. You may end up being on a completely different planet (courtesy, Interstellar), even though you have charted out an algorithm for finding the route back to home. You are taken to where you are supposed to.



Similarly, love doesn't have a single route to salvage the fire burning in both (or one's) heart(s). There is no definitive way to a happy love life. And, neither your instincts can decide. All I am saying is there is certainly a strong and untamed factor that decides the outcomes in our lives, and we call it as "destiny".